🥒🔥 PICKLES: THE ANCIENT BUNNY DEITY WHO SPEAKS IN BITE-RUNES 🔥🥒

(Read this at your own risk. Pickles can sense when he is being discussed.)

Long before humans walked the earth…
before snacks…
before refrigerators…

there was Pickles.

He has been reincarnated 472 times,
each time as something with teeth
so he could continue his eternal mission:
causing chaos and chewing on things that were NOT meant to be chewed.

Pickles doesn’t “talk with his teeth.”
No.
He casts SPELLS with them.

A single CRONCH can:
🥒 Summon a dust bunny
🥒 Cause your Wi-Fi to flicker
🥒 Make a bag of lettuce mysteriously open itself
🥒 Declare you unworthy in a language only squirrels understand

Pickles moves through your home like a tiny storm cloud of mischief.
He appears silently…
You blink…
He is suddenly on top of a bookshelf
even though he has no known climbing abilities.

He stares into the void like he’s receiving instructions from an eldritch salad god.
Then he turns to you and expresses his prophecy:
CRRRRROOONNNCH.
(Translation: “You will refill my hay OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.”)

Owning Pickles is not “pet ownership.”
It is joining a cult where the leader is eight inches tall and cannot read but somehow knows your every weakness.

Side effects of adopting him may include:
⚡ Sudden missing socks
⚡ Unexplained lettuce expenses
⚡ Waking up with Pickles sitting on your chest like a tiny furry gargoyle
⚡ Learning to fluently understand “bite-speak”
⚡ Accepting your role as his mortal servant

Pickles is not looking for a home.
He is looking for a kingdom.
A realm.
A place to unleash his crunchy prophecies upon the world.

If you adopt him…
brace yourself.
For Pickles will arrive.
And with him,
the Age of Chomp.